


Through a sorrow, I found you

by PurpleSpaceCat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Awkward Flirting, F/F, Female Keith (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Genderbending, Pining Pidge | Katie Holt, genderbend keith, insecure pidge, kathy kogane, keith's female name is kathy, kind of, pining dorks, pining kathy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 10:50:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16345361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleSpaceCat/pseuds/PurpleSpaceCat
Summary: Pidge has never really been too interested in people in a romantic way. Sure, some were attractive, but she's always been more interested in technology.When her dad and older brother Matt disappears on the Kerberos mission there's even less time to focus on getting into a relationship with anyone.After having met Kathy though, Pidge is surprised to find her stomach in knots when speaking to the raven-haired girl.





	1. Loss and discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everybody! 
> 
> While talking about VLD HC's with my friend, I came up with this story. I couldn't get the thought of Pidge pining after fem!Keith out of my head, so here we are!
> 
> A few notes before diving in:
> 
> Ages:  
> Pidge - 16, turning 17  
> Kathy - 18  
> Lance - 17  
> Hunk - 17  
> Shiro - 23  
> Allura - the Altean version of 18  
> Coran - the Altean version of 54
> 
> Pidge identifies as female 
> 
> While searching for her family and fighting for peace, Pidge is also starting to discover her sttraction toward her fierce teammate.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy :)

Pidge has never really been too interested in people in a romantic way. Sure, some were attractive, but she's always been more interested in technology.  
When her dad and older brother disappears on the Kerberos mission there's even less time to focus on getting into a relationship with anyone. She imidiately throws herself into searching for them, hacking into the Garrison's computer systems and trying to figure out how the crash happened and if there could be any signs of life.  
She finds no information about a crash though and it makes her furious to think that the officers have lied to her about it. Almost smashing the keyboard in anger, she finds herself face to face with Iverson who escorts her out and yells at her to stop snooping around. He lets it go that one time, since she is clearly emotionaly unstable after the accident, as he so kindly put it. After showing no sign of ever quitting her search for answers and breaking into the base several times more, Iverson finally snaps and throws her out, cutting all her chances of ever getting back into the program as a student.

Pidge roars while getting dragged away by the officers.

”You can't keep me out!” she screams, struggling in vain against the grip on her arms.

”I'll find the truth! I'll never stop!”

...

It takes several months for her to create a new identity for herself and make sure that her background is foolproof in case someone tries to look it up. When finally being accepted into the school again, all that's left to do is change her appearance.

Standing in the bathroom, Pidge takes in the sight of the girl before her. She looks rather small standing there, staring back with uncertain eyes. Her long hair falls over her shoulders and back in a way that almost seems to hide her. Pidge doesn't know if she will miss this girl or not.  
Grasping the scissors in her hand, she takes a breath.

”First day of school. Time for a haircut.”

Taking a hold of her hair that falls over her right shoulder, she closes her eyes for a moment, letting the feelings of loss, sadness, mourning and anger all wash over her before she opens them again, staring at the face in the mirror.

And with a hard determination, she slowly cuts away as much as she can of Katie Holt.

…

The life that follows during her time at the Garrison is not an easy one. From avoiding getting caught by Iverson, to cutting gym as to not get busted by the boys in her class, to sneaking out and up on the roof to try and find signals that might come from space.  
To being close to tears when finding nothing and having no one to turn to that could ever understand what she is going through.

She refuses to give up though. No matter how long it might taker her, she swears she will never stop searching for her family. Until she has their bodies in front of her, she will not believe that there's even a possibility that they're dead.  
With that hope guiding her, Pidge continues to sneak out during the late hours of the night, listening for any signals that might be a call for help.  
After a whole year has passed, she finally gets something. A repeating of one word that she has yet to figure out, but that still has her heart race quickly.

Voltron.

….

”What? Aliens?” The fearful surprise in Hunk's voice is a bit annoying.

”Okay, so you're insane. Got it.” The clear disbelief in Lance's voice is super annoying.

If it wasn't bad enough that she got discovered by her teammates, they also wouldn't take a hint and leave. After bugging her for several minutes about what she's doing, she finally decided to let them in on her new knowledge. The response: She is crazy.

”I know how it sounds,” she says in a low voice, ”but it's true. I've listened to this for several months now and they all repeat one word, Voltron.”  
She shows them the doodles she's been making. When Lance gives her an unimpressed look, she glares at him in frustration.

”Look, you don't have to believe me, but I'm telling you, this is true! An tonight, the signals are getting louder than I've ever heard them before.”

When it seems Lance is going to answer, the school's sirens starts going off, preparing for a lock-down. Looking around in confusion, Pidge startles when Hunk calls for their attention.

”Guys! What is- what is that?!” 

Pointing up at the sky, Hunk draws all attention to the falling comet hurling toward the earth. Quickly grabbing her binoculars, Pidge looks at the object, discovering that it's not, in fact, a burning rock like she first thought.

”It's a ship!” Before being able to look closer, she practically gets knocked over by Lance when he tries to see for himself.

”Holy crow!” he yells out, ”What is that thing? That is not one of ours!”

”No,” Pidge answers, ”It's one of theirs.

Now Hunk seems even more on edge, ”Okay, wait, so there really are aliens?” he squeeks out while they all watch as the ship crashes into the desert, not far from their location.  
Watching as several Garrison officers drive at high speed toward it, Pidge can't help but feel a desperate need to go and find out what lies there. Quickly gathering up all her stuff she hurries away toward the crash.  
”We've gotta check that out!” she calls out, while not even looking to see if any of her team memembers are following her. She just knows that she's gotta be there.

….

 

Pidge has never really been too interested in people in a romantic way.  
It's while sitting on the sofa in the small, but kind of cozy shack that she is reminded of this fact.  
After having met Kathy though, Pidge is surprised to find her stomach in knots when speaking to the raven-haired girl.

Kathy hasn't said much, just quick, short answers to a few of their questions and mostly shrugging off whatever else they say. Even with that though, Pidge can't seem to take her eyes off of her.  
She is a beautiful kind of reckless. She makes Pidge's heart race and not only because she rushed them all away on a hoverbike and drove over a cliff's edge while escaping the authorities. She has this dark, mysterious energy surround her, as cliche as it may sound, and Pidge wants to learn more about her. 

As quickly as she gets those thoughts, she has to put them in the back of her mind when Shiro wakes up and they're imidiately thrown into a search for the source of energy Kathy has been hunting the past year of staying in the shack. She tells them that she's managed to find the area where she thinks it comes from and with the help of Hunk, they manage to find their way to the cave. And to the Blue Lion withing it.  
Before she knows it, they're inside the massive ship, hurling up into the sky and flying across the galaxy to a completely different planet. They awaken Allura, an alien princess of an extinct race and apparently gets chosen to become the new soldiers to fight in a 10 000 year old war against a race called Galra by connecting to five separate Lion-shaped ships that together will form a super robot.

Yeah. Nothing strange about that at all.

Everything goes too fast for her. They each find their Lions, but Kathy's is being held inside one of the enemies ships so they have to sneak aboard to get to it. During that time, they found several prisoners aboard as well and Pidge could feel her heart soar for a moment at the thought of finally finding her family. As fast as that hope came, it got shattered when finding no trace of neither her dad nor the brother.  
Pidge let her heart go numb. 

After that, it wasn't long before they all had to face the Galra battle ships headed toward the Castle. She remembers feeling scared while they fought together, but it's almost like a passing dream to wake up from when it all was over. They had managed to form Voltron and win the battle, but somehow still, Pidge can only look up at the sky with a mixed feeling of desire and hopelessness. Several days passes like that, with no sleep while digging through the Galra's computer system that somehow managed to survive the gigantic explosion during their battle, until one day finally, finally she manages to get a hold of files that might just lead to where her family might be.

With this new fact, Pidge can feel herself awaken from her dream-like numbness. She is closer than she's ever been before. She can find them.  
An almost desperate laugh leaves her lips while starring at her open laptop.

They're out there. And she will find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a ride!
> 
> Pidge is going through a lot with everything that's been happening.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll be posting the next one shortly.


	2. Burnt by the fire / Embraced by the heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge is being honest.
> 
> Kathy is like a flame.

It leads to an argument with Kathy. 

”You can't leave”

Those words makes Pidge defensive. Who is Kathy to tell her how she should act? She has to find her family! It is as simple as that!

”You can't tell me what to do!” she throws back, feeling her pulse quicken.

”If you leave, we can't form Voltron. You're not the only one with a family, all these Arusians has families. Everyone in the universe has families!”

Pidge knows that. She knows, but how can she just turn away a chance to find her dad and brother? She can't just let go of that for complete strangers, no matter how uppsetting that might sound.   
Kathy seems to find it really uppsetting, looming over Pidge while her voice keeps getting louder.

”You are putting the lives of two people over everyone else in the entire universe!”

Kathy has a temper, that much Pidge knew, but she had never expected to be at the recieving end of it. It almost scares her.   
Shiro is quick to put his hand on Kathy's shoulder, trying to calm her and and make her listen to reason. It helps somewhat and she backs off, but it doesn't make the bad feeling in Pidge's stomach go away.   
Kathy won't look at her. She keeps her gaze to the floor with a furious scowl on her face. It makes Pidge's heart sink. She steels herself though, because no matter the situation she has to try and find her family. She won't give that up for some people she barely knows. Family comes first.   
With that she takes a small breath and starts walking toward the pods. The feeling of those knife-sharp eyes cuts into her back all the way to the door. 

…

The explosion shakes the whole castle and fills Pidge with dread.   
What had happened? Were they under attack? What about the others? Were they okay? Shiro, Hunk, Lance and- 

Pidge feels her heart jump to her throat. 

Kathy. 

She rushes back through the halls, searching for her teammates, before stopping and ducking away from a few Galra sentries. Careful of the new threat, she slowly starts crawling away until coming across Sendak capturing a wounded Shiro and an unconcious Lance.   
She needs to act! But what can she do? 

She has to contact the others! 

Putting on her helmet, she tries to get a signal in.   
Please, she silently prays. Hunk, Allura, Kathy! Please answer! 

"Kathy, can you hear me?" 

A second of silence. Two.

"Pidge, is that you? Where are you?" 

Pidge lets her whole body slump in relief at hearing the Red Paladin's voice. 

'She is okay..' 

Calming her beating heart, she shakes her head and dives right back into business. She needs to cut off Sendak's power source and take down the Castle's shield. And with the Princess' directions, Pidge makes her way to through the halls. 

…

It is over. 

It had all happened so fast: The chase through the Castle, the loss of Rover and then the fight against Sendak. Pidge can still feel that metalic hand gripping her, vibrating with energy. 

She had thought she would die. Then in came Kathy, drawing her bayard and readying a battle stance, the princess close behind her. Such relief and fear had never mixed together in her belly before. 

It had been the shots from behind that made her fall free to the ground though. Looking over at Lance, she saw he had woken up long enough to attack before he slumped back into unconciousness. After that, it was all out battle. Everyone trying to attack Sendak and getting knocked back while Allura ran to one of the control panels.   
Kathy had run straight into close combat, never batting an eye at clashing weapons with the big Galra general. (And looking back on it, finally being able to rest, Pidge can't help but find it freaking hot.) In the moment when it had happened though, all she could focus on was taking the bastard down and when he had knocked Kathy away, Pidge leaped toward him, cutting off his robotic arm. Yeah, see how good you are without that thing, you piece of shit. 

After that it had all went even faster. Kathy knocked Sendak back with a kick and Allura sealed him inside a barrier. And just like that, they could finally breathe. 

Now, Pidge feels rather tense while walking up to the group.   
Now when the danger is gone, she doesn't really know what to say to them. Before the whole ordeal had happened, they had left things on a bad page and she's scared things will go back to that now when everything has calmed down. 

Shiro eases her fears somewhat, when seeing her guarded expression.

"If you want to go, we won't stop you, Pidge, but I can't help but feel like you belong in this team." 

Pidge looks between them all. From Shiro's gentle gaze, to Allura's composed stance and then to Kathy's sad eyes on her. She has to look away.   
Going through her thoughts, one by one, Pidge finally takes a breath to speak. 

"My dad used to tell me how close he was to his crew. They were like family. I understand now what he meant." 

Bracing herself, Pidge forces herself to look up. "I'm staying with you guys. Let's defeat Zarkon for all our families." 

Her words are met with smiles and when her gaze falls on Kathy, she can just melt onto the floor. Kathy's smile is gentle and makes her face look so soft.   
"Good to have you back on the team." 

Pidge knows her heart could not have been more full that day. 

…

”Wait, you're a girl? HOW?!”

The shout makes her jump. Lance is staring incrediously at her after her gender confession and it makes her whole body tense. There goes that secret. But she knows she had to tell them, no matter their reaction to it. She didn't have it in her to lie anymore. Glancing at her teammates, awaiting their judgement, she was pleasantly surprised by their smiling faces.

”I've known for some time,” Allura comented. ”but I'm glad you shared this with us, Pidge.”

Kathy nods, ”Yeah, me too.”

Pidge breathes out a sigh of relief. They're okay with it. They accept her. She can finally meet them on a more honest level and it makes all the tension in her body fade away. She even laughs a little at Lance's bewildered ”Pidge is a girl and now the Castle's a ship? How long did I sleep??” in the background. These people are her friends, she should have known they would accept her. There's still one thing on her mind though.

”How did you figure me out?” She asks while walking alongside Kathy to the Castle's bridge. ”I thought I was believable? I mean, I get why Shiro figured me out, Matt's probably mentioned me to him. And Allura,” she sneaks a glance at the Princess. ”She tries to wave it off as a woman's knowledge, but I saw how the mice looked at her. Still can't believe they're conected, how does that even work? I know we're in a 10 000 year old alien castle, but still. Is there a specific method to do it or-?”

Pidge snaps her mouth shut when she hears Kathy let out a small laugh. She can feel how her ears turns red in embarassment at having gotten lost in her ranting.

”I'm sorry, I just-! I mean, I do wonder about it, but that was not what we were talking about. Or, I was talking about, you haven't answered yet. Probably because I'm still talking, I will stop now.”

Kathy keeps smiling at her, although looking rather amused.

”It's fine, Pidge. I don't mind hearing your thoughts. Although I might need to work on keeping up with them if I'm ever supposed to be a good chatting partner.”

Pidge just silently nods her head while trying to figure out how to go from here.  
The silence grows a little awkward the longer it stays and she can see Kathy turn away a little, seeming uncomfortable.

”I'm, ah... I'm still sorry, you know,” Kathy says, breaking the silence and making Pidge look fully at her.   
”For... yelling at you when you wanted to leave. It wasn't nice.”

She seems to be struggling with herself, wearing a thoughful scowl on her face while speaking. Pidge feels herself tense a little again and draws back her shoulders.

”It's fine. You had a right to be upset with my decision.” she answers, although she still remembers that awful ache when Kathy looked at her like that. ”I was kind of ready to just leave you guys..”

Kathy shakes her head. ”It still wasn't right. I should have tried to change your mind in another way. Especially since I know the feeling of wanting to save someone you love.”

That statement has Pidge look at Kathy again, but Kathy's eyes are focused on something ahead of them. Following her gaze, Pidge feels a different kind of ache in her chest. Shiro. She is looking at Shiro.

Pidge had known the two of them were close, it was an obvious fact from the second Shiro woke up in the shack after the resque and Kathy practically tripped over herself to embrace him.

It was obvious. And it still hurt.

”The point is,” Kathy continues after a few seconds, ”that I should have handled it better than I did. I let my anger get the better of me. I'm sorry.”

Pidge numbly gives a nod and swallows down the lump in her throat.  
”It's fine. It's all in the past now.” she says. ”I'm glad you apologized.” she continues weakly. ”I'm, uh... I'm thankful for it.”

Katha gives a small smile and Pidge relaxes and tries to give one of her own.  
And then they're back to being silent.

"…"

"…"

Well, now what? Pidge almost smacks herself when she remembers her original question.

”Uhh. Oh, right! What I still want to know is how exactly you figured out I am a girl?”

Back on track. Good job Pidge.

Kathy looks at her and opens her mouth to answer, but closes it soon after, seemingly debating something.  
Pidge waits in silence, wondering what could make Kathy hesitate like that. After a couple of tics it seems like Kathy has made a decision and turns to Pidge once more.

”Well, I guess..” she begins, her smile a little tense. ”I just figured you were too cute to be a boy.”

Pidge stops dead in her tracks.

What?

She openly stares at Kathy who has turned away again.

What did she..? Does that mean..?

Pidge doesn't even know what to make of her own thoughts right now. Before she can ask anything, Shiro calls out to the two of them and Kathy gives an awkward laugh before jogging up to their leader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kathy's fire can burn you when she's angry, but it warms you when she smiles.
> 
> Poor Pidge. Her crush is starting to grow, but she doesn't know how to handle it, especially when seeing how close Kathy and Shiro are.  
> Hopefully the small bit of flirting can ease her mind some.
> 
> Or it will keep her awake at night, who knows?


End file.
